Paul and I have been talking a lot lately about our life here and how it's not really turning out to be anything like we expected. We find ourselves constantly adding up pros and cons and wondering if we will ever be able to make a home here.
America is a beautiful country and full of opportunity for us but unfortunately all of that beauty has been masked by the horrible reality that no matter how hard we try we just can't seem to get our feet in the ground and build the foundations that we need to help us feel at home.
When we first came out here we were full of hope and ideas with a big list of things we were going to do. As the weeks have passed by it seems like it's not as easy as we thought it would be. Getting a car for example has been an endless circle of "No you don't have a credit file", "Yes, but you have to pay 50% interest". And as I am now without a car, I feel like my legs have been chopped from underneath me. Just to the end of our street it is a mile walk. Which isn't something I want to be doing in 100 degree heat.
The house we live in, although we have added all our personal touches still doesn't feel like home. I am constantly reminded when I tell Calleigh no to draw on the couch or the TV that none of this stuff is ours. We didn't have much back in England but at least I could say it was ours.
It was OUR home and OUR furniture.
And also Paul and I haven't felt like husband and wife in a while. I don't know if it's because we are both a little bit unhappy here or because we haven't spent much time with each other. Every night seems to be the same, he comes home from work, we eat, watch TV and then go to bed.
It also doesn't help at the moment that I am constantly being eating alive by bugs. I have a total count of 9 bites on my body at the moment, three of which are on my arm which has resulted in a huge lump the size of a lemon sticking out of it. We definitely didn't have that to worry about in England.
I think the reason we have been thinking and talking so much about it lately is because we have booked our trip home for Christmas and both of us are finding ourselves counting down the seconds until we get on that plane. The thought of going back to England has brought up all of these reminders of the things we miss.
This doesn't mean we are giving up, we are going to see it through. As the saying goes "things can only get better".
We are just hoping that they do and soon.